If I had a Month to Live

If I only had one month to live, I think that I would try to do the things I never had a chance to do. I would at least try to bungee jump because I think it would be fun and probably scare the snot out of me. I would go to Italy so I could try all the food and see Rome and maybe Venice. I would travel to some of Europe and Asia just so I could see what it looks like. I would go skydiving and rockclimb, but I'd finish the whole wall. I want to sing on national television because I love to sing and my dream is to record CDs one day. It's a little far-fetched but that doesn't stop me from wanting to do it. I think that I would go to a five star restaurant in France and try to get the chef to teach me how to cook some of the things he or she knows how to. I don't know what else I would do. I have not really ever thought about it. I would buy a ton of French bread and try those chocolate biscotti deserts. I would go to Canada to find out why nobody ever really cares about Canada. It's not ecen in the movies or anything really. What's up with that? I do not know. I would go to South America if I had time and then I'd fly back home so I could die over here and not in some foreign country.

Joys I Give and Take

I give comic relief to my family and some other people that I kind've know, but don't know what to call in relation to me. I try to find the humor in most of the situations I find myself in. Sometimes, it's because I'm trying to make people feel better and others, it's because whatever it is is too funny not to say. I just don't like to see people unhappy when they don't have to be, or unhappy at all for that matter. I would rather deal with people who are acting way too silly than with ones who are acting like there's no reason for them to live, not that I've met anyone in that extreme a depression. It is just easier for me to lighten a mood than dampen one. I'm not saying that I do it because it is easier. I do it because I don't want people to be sad.
One joy that I take is laughing. I love to laugh because it makes me feel good. You know the saying, "Laughter is the best medicine."? I agree because if someone didn't laugh their whole entire life, I don't think that they would live for very long. It doesn't matter how bad I feel, if someone can make me laugh or at least smile, I feel so much better. I haven't ever thought that hard about laughing, but now that I do, it makes you feel like there is a good thing about life. I'm not saying it is the only one, just that it is one. Laughing can make what used to be the worst time in your life one of the best ones. I think that laughing is the most important joy that I take.

The Three Things I Value The Most

I have a lot of things and people that I value very much. The thing and person that I value the most is my brother because no matter what I do or what he does, we can always talk to each other. I talk to him all the time and we do tons of things together. I don't think I would be able to live without him. The second most valuable thing in my life is having fun because there's no point in being depressed all time. I used to be like that, but not anymore. I like to laugh a lot, even though sometimes people make fun of me for laughing so much. I don't really care though, it's not getting me into trouble, so there isn't a problem. I just like the feeling that I am happy now, even though I wasn't earlier. It's a little ironic that I'm happy now because of the way my life is right now. Whatever, I am fine. The third thing I value most in my life is my friends because there are a lot that I can just tell anything to. They make me feel better when I wake up in a bad mood or when anything bad happens to me. I try to be friends with all the people I come in contact with, even if it doesn't always work out. Yes, I can be a tad hot-tempered, but I still try to be nice to people.
I think all of these things and the person are very important, and other people might not since they have other things that are important to them. I can't say that what anybody else values the most is stupid or wrong, and nobody can say that about my values. I guess some people just have a need to correct the things that they feel are wrong, even if it isn't their business. It just is what they do and I can't judge anyone for that. the three things that I have written about are very important to me.

"Fun"
Fun
It can be
A word,
A feeling,
An action,
And many others.
Fun
Is unexplainable
In some senses.
You can't explain the feeling
Of fun,
But everyone
Knows what it is,
What it feels like,
How it feels to have it.
Fun
Has many options
In order for you to
Have fun.
It doesn't matter
What others think
Or say.
You're just having
Fun.

A Few Poems

"Perfect"
This one was perfect
She was beautiful
She had no damages
Not one

Then her perfect
Life came undone
Now she gets
To have
Two Christmases

Sounds fun,
Right?
So perfect,
So not!

Her parents
Had the perfect
Relationship
And so did her and
Her brother
Not anymore

Her brother and her
Can't let
Themselves
Get caught talking
About it because
If they did
It would
screw up their
"Perfect"
Lives

"No One"

No one knows
And
No one cares
If they knew
Maybe they'd
Care

No one thinks
To ask them
"Are you all right?"
Because that wouldn't
Be right
In our society.


"Not My Life"

My parents
Had the perfect
Relationship.
Not anymore.

My brother and I
Had the most awesome
Relationship.
Not anymore.

I used to think
My life was
Awesome
And I still do
But lately
It's been
A little less
Awesome
Than a few
Weeks ago.

"I Pretended"

I fear.
Yes, I really do
I fear the thing
That my parents
Said would never,
Ever happen.
Because
It is happening.

I am afraid.
Because
I know why
Because
I wish that
I didn't.
My dad
Messed up.
And yet,
I don't care if
Anyone, anyone at all
I don't care if they know.
When it got close to
The end,
I knew what
Was happening,
What was coming.
I KNEW!
And I didn't do a thing.
I pretended
To be something
That I am so,
So not.
I pretended
That all my life,
I'd acted like it.
I pretended
That I was
A coward
That didn't care
What
Would happen.
I pretended
That I
Didn't
Know.
I pretended
To be and to feel,
Or that I didn't feel,
Like I hadn't noticed anything.
I pretended
To be a lot of things,
But one of them
Wasn't
Intelligent.

I Realized Something

I had forgotten that I wrote this. It's been over three months since I've looked at this or even thought about it. I guess I really was hurting and needed to vent. I don't remember feeling this bad though. I remember that I felt bad, but I didn't realize how deep of a depression I was in. I don't want to delete it because I belive that an artist or writer shouldn't throw away their works just because they don't like them. They might become important one day. I guess I'll post it.


I realized that I had known what was going to happen, but I wouldn't admit it. My subconscious self was protecting my conscious self from it. I had dreams that, if only I'd have thought about them, would've told me earlier. But I decided, it's best for me not to know yet. These sentences don't even make sense! I can't wait until this is over. I can't wait for this pain to be gone.

A Girl Commited Suicide Because of a Fake Guy

This story scared me a lot because it could happen to anyone. A 13-year-old girl, Megan Meier, committed suicide because her next-door neighbor and her employee, a girl named Ashley, created a fake Myspace under the name "Josh Evans" and pretended to be a really cute guy. "Josh Evans" sent her cruel messages that drove the girl to hang herself. I don't know why someone would do that but I guess they were really mad or had an issue with their minds or something, I'm not trying to say that they have to have something wrong with their minds to be a criminal, but a lot of them have psychological problems. The lady has denied saying hurtful things to Megan over the Internet, and the prosecutors said that they haven't found anything to charge the woman with.
The community has basically shunned the Drews, the family of the woman that created the fake Myspace. Last December, someone threw a brick through a window in their home. Just a few weeks ago, someone made a prank call to the police saying that there'd been a shooting inside the Drew house. That prompted cop cars to come with lights flashing and sirens. Another person recently got the password to change the Drew's outgoing cell phone recording, and replaced it with a disturbing message that the police wouldn't give details to. It must have been very bad if they wouldn't let anybody know what it said. The people haven't left yet. I'm pretty sure I would. I guess they might think it would look incriminating or something like that. Maybe they've been there a long time. I don't know but they must have some good reason for staying.
People haven't seen the lady outside her home in weeks. Death threats and ugly insults to Drew are all over the Internet. A neighbor said that Megan suffered from depression for years. I felt really bad reading this. I thought it was just a little bit disgusting that someone would do that. I felt sad that the Megan girl was so freaked out or whatever that she felt like she had to take her own life. It turns out that "Josh" said that the world would be better off without Megan. Her mom said that she went to her room, upset and crying. Then, about twenty minutes later, she was found hanging from a belt tied around her neck. Drew's attorney said the girl's suicide had "absolutely, 100 percent" nothing to do with the cruel commens posted online about Megan. How can you say that? Yes, she did suffer from depression for a long time, but you don't post stuff like that online about a girl that has been depressed for years. It doesn't make sense, what could Megan Meier have done to make someone do that? No THEY didn't kill her; THEY forced her to kill HERSELF. I don't know what they said to or about her, but if it was anything like "the world would be better off without you" I can understand why she hung herself. It made me so mad that the lawyer could say that. I don't understand that at all. There is probably a reasonable explanation for why Drew and Ashley did it, but I don't think I'd care that much what they said to justify telling a girl with depression the world would be better off without you. I really don't think I'd care.

Goin' 2 Skidaway Island, Savannah!!!!!!!

I can't wait to go to Skidaway Island! It's gonna be so awesome! Mrs. Riggins, Mrs. Betty Ganus, and Mrs. Chapman are going with us! We are technically only going to be there for one whole day. We're going to leave school at 8:00 a.m. Wednesday and we'll be back at 9:00 p.m. on Friday. The trip is goin' to be so awesome!!!! We'll have breakfast at 7 a.m.! That's not so bad though. We are going to Fort Pulaski tomorrow and then on a ghost walking tour, which is this tour around the town and the tour guide tells you about all the ghosts that are supposed to be in the town. I cannot wait to be there! My brother has to be at the school at 5:30 a.m. and I am going to the school to say "bye" and then come back and get ready to leave for my trip and then sit around for an hour, probably watch a movie or something. Did I mention I can't wait to leave!!!!!